Tomorrow is my baby girls third birthday and I’m finding it really emotional, and I think its because not only is she not a baby anymore she is my last baby. I think it is even more emotional because she is the baby that almost didn’t happen, you see I suffered a miscarriage at 13 weeks along a few months before we conceived Isabelle. I was honestly shocked at how quickly we were able to get pregnant again after the loss and I felt sad that I was so happy for her. It took me a long time to be excited about her, I wouldn’t look at any pregnancy books, and even though with my other two I started a journal I refused to do anything pregnancy related including telling our family until I was much further along. I remember those first few months, I talked to her from day one, asking her to please hold on promising her that I would love and care for her all the days of my life. I promise that little bean growing inside me anything and everything and hoped and prayed that someday I would get to look into her eyes. The months passed really slowly but I honestly didn’t care, people told me that I have never looked better and that this time around pregnancy suited me but I think it was because I was just so grateful for every day. Then it came time to got to the hospital, while in labour I felt this sense of calm, I wasn’t nervous or scared like I had been the two times before because I was trying to hang on to every moment. When she was born she was the first one of my babies to be put directly into my arms and when she was given to me I couldn’t help but cry, she was so small and beautiful and absolutely perfect, and the thought that went through my mind was everything happens for a reason. Looking into her eyes I knew it was true I didn’t want to hear it before but I knew it was true I knew that she was supposed to be mine, she was supposed to be a part of our family, and I knew that every promise I made her was going to be fulfilled no matter what.
Tomorrow she turns three, and I miss her being a baby, I miss her big eyes looking up at me and all the cuddles and all her firsts, and I am sad that I won’t have them again, but I am so excited to see everything that she will do. She is signed up for her first big girl class of ballet in February and she is so very smart learning new things every day, she is so funny and not at all well behaved but she is ours. My girls are my heart and every time I see them happy and they living their best life I know that this is where I am supposed to be.
Tomorrow my baby is three, I wonder what adventures we will see.
Ok, we all know as Moms how hard it is to function on no sleep, and how the world can slowly start to steamroll out of control when we can’t put together a rational thought. Well, that has been my life for the last few weeks.
My two year old has decided that she doesn’t want to sleep alone anymore, she was sick and my husband let her sleep in our room and then we couldn’t get her out. I am all for those Mom’s that choose to co-sleep but I physically can’t do it, I mean I don’t even let my husband share blankets with me. I need to be fully “cocooned” as my husband calls it in order to fall asleep. So for two weeks, it was laying awake until she fell asleep and then carry her to her room, then falling asleep and be woken another 5-6 time throughout the night. We’ve all been there, sleep training is the absolute worst but it is necessary, necessary for not only your sanity but for your children to get a good nights sleep. So I started the battle, letting her cry it out, then going into her room and sitting in the chair until she fell asleep, then when all else failed and I was dead to the world I tried having her big sister sleep in her room with her. I know it doesn’t seem like the best idea but when you haven’t slept and you think you are going to go insane you will try anything right? So it worked for a little while, but then it started again, she was calling for me and my husband multiple times a night and now we had to get around our daughter’s mattress to get to her. So late one night I grabbed the Ipad and I put on a movie for her… BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!!! Now she asked for it every night and it was a huge meltdown when the answer was no, so it became a thing bedtime came I would put her in her bed and tuck her in and turn on the iPad, I thought it would help and at that point we were all sleeping so why not right? Then all of a sudden it started happening, she would start screaming in the middle of the night, I jumped out of bed ran down the hall and she said: “the iPad turned off” … REALLY??. Now not only is she awake all hours of the night watching tv but I am being woken up because the iPad says “are you still there?” Something had to give! After about the 5th night I’d had enough, I sat down and started to think back to when the other girls were young, we never had this issue they always slept, we did the sleep train thing and after night upon night of my arm in the crib and crawling out of the room they were good. They both slept well in their rooms, what had I done differently? Why was this time so hard? Now mind you my oldest daughter is almost 11 and the middle will be 8 in two months so there was a significant age gap between them and Issy and I honestly forgot, I forgot all about the routine that I had in place when the others were small, how I would give them a bath using Live Clean Bedtime Bath and cream them all down using the same cream, and how we would cuddle together while reading a book and then put on their sound machines and watch them fall off to sleep. THAT’S IT!! when my husband walked in the door even though I looked a hot mess and I was exhausted, I told him that when all the little friends had been picked up I was taking cranky pants Issy to WalMart, and we were fixing this problem. Off we went she cried the entire way there, screamed about putting on her coat and her boots, tore off her hat and mittens in the car and yelled things like I want my Daddy, I don’t want you! But I kept a smile on my face, I knew she was just as exhausted as I was and that this was gonna fix it. Once we got to Walmart and because I hadn’t given in to the screaming she was calm, I let her walk like a big girl and we headed straight for the baby department where we took all the sound machines off the shelf and looked at all the things they did, we saw a hippo that had lights and sounds but it went to bed with her and I really didn’t want to give her something to play with, we found one that was just a light and another that did both and then we found this one by fisher price it is called the deluxe soother, it offered a night light, music and sounds, animal and stars projected on the ceiling and best of all it had an app to connect me to it at night FROM MY BED!! sold. We also stopped and got more bedtime bath and cream and two new books, and we headed home. I put her in the bath and she played happily with all the bubbles and my husband sat with her while I took all distractions out of her bed and set up the deluxe soother, I then got her out of the bath and dried her up, creamed her up with the bedtime bath cream, crawled into her big girl bed with her to read our new books, and laid with her as I showed her the stars on the roof and the wonderfully soothing music and then I sat in the chair in her room for 20 mins while she fell asleep and then guess what? I WENT TO BED, AND I SLEPT ALL NIGHT!! I know it isn’t a miracle that there will still be hard night ahead but for right now I am going to hang on to this #momwin and be happy that my baby and I both had a good night sleep and woke up refreshed and ready for the day. I will continue this routine each night because not only did she sleep, but that little time that we got to lay together and talk and read was so absolutely wonderful that I want to do it every day. We’ve all been there, right? So tell me about your sleep training, what worked what didn’t? Do you use a sound machine? Id love to hear from you!
Ok so it’s almost midnight and my mind is racing I mean some days, well most days I feel like I’m running in a wheel trying to get where I need to go, but I just keep coming back around to the same spot!
My older two girls are of the age now that I ask them to help out more around the house, not just their regular responsibilities of emptying their lunch bags and keeping their rooms clean, but household chores (age appropriate of course) because at this time I think small jobs around the house are important for them to see everyone in our family contributing. I even had laminated chores charts made for each of them in their favourite colours, it was a big hit, for about a week, they did their chores without complaint and without being asked and life was great. I felt like I was above water and the house was coming together before the end of each day, I run a home daycare so having the house completely back in order before day’s end is a big achievement. I have 5 children here under 3 all day and ballet most nights of the week between my three girls so having the extra help each day was amazing. Since the chore chart failed miserably I decided to change tactics and instead of giving them a weekly list I would give the girls a chore to do each day, each time I give them a chore to do, and it is completed they earn an allowance and a tally is kept. Well before I went to bed tonight I found that over the last few days several of the chores that I was told were being done weren’t…. I trusted that they were done I made a mental note that these things were done and now they weren’t and were going to have to be added back to that internal list that I have in my head, you know the one, the one that keeps you awake most nights and the one you think about before your feet even touch the ground in the morning, the one that never seems to get any shorter … So I thought hey my kids are older now they can understand things, maybe I’ll just talk to them and explain to my girls how I feel when things aren’t done so I said, ‘for me I have a list in my head of all the things I need to do and the best way to accomplish them, I run through my list all day long checking off things as I go (because I’m type A and we like check marks) and when I delegate a job to you I check said job off on my list and move on to the next task.” You know what they did, they just stood there, and stared at me, like I was speaking a different language… Ok so maybe they aren’t old enough to understand, I need to move on and figure out a new way to get things accomplished (add that to the list.) Some days I wanna give up throw my hands in the air and say that’s it I’ve had it, I don’t want to do it any more and just walk away from the ever-growing list in my head. I mean doesnt every one? All us Mom’s out there have a day were we just want to walk away, we want quiet and cleanliness and a moment to ourselves to think of absolutely nothing.
So I did that I went and had a bath, scrolled instagram and then I got back to business because I’m a Mom, I don’t get that option of just walking away for good and truthfully I really don’t want it. I waited my whole life to be a Mom it is hard work, the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, but this is where I want to be. I do need to take sanity momments more often, because truth is I am a better Mom and a better human being after having a little time to myself to recharge. So after my bath I got back at it and took a big breath and started to think about how I can make a change, while on instagram I had found some inspiration because so many other Moms there are saying the same things I am, and I listen to a little bit of my audio book ‘Girl Wash your Face’ by Rachel Hollis (which if you havent read you need to!) and realized as Mothers we are built to carry heavy loads, we are made to be the heart of the home and the glue that holds it all together, and that I like everyone else have to stop trying to be “perfect”, remember that my kids are only going to be kids for a little while and that maybe the best thing for me to do is stop worrying about it so much and maybe listen to Rachel when she says ” you can’t fail at a job you were created to do.” I need to pick myself up and work harder to achieve what I want, to some people this can seem so trivial but to me it’s my whole life. I will put the work in every day, and I’ll do it for me, but I will also do it for my girls, so that they can see how strong their Mama can be and hopefully find their own strength, and one day be amazing woman. For now the chores will still be given, and I most likley will have to pick up the slack when they arent done, and thats ok because I’m a Mom and thats what we do!
Each year I find myself more and more excited for Christmas. Yeah, I was that kid, you know; the first one awake that woke everyone else, the first one down the stairs, and the one with all the bubbly Christmas spirit while the rest of my family snarled as they tried to wake up. This year feels different, gone are the days when I would get up early and want to rush through the day, I find myself longing for the quiet and peace that Christmas brings and the time I get to spend with my kids, the uninterrupted time away from the day to day worldly chaos, where I can close the door and people understand that we just want to be a family. No work, no school, no ballet, no worries. We get to spend that quality time that is so few and far between these days, with all the running around and making sure we are where we need to be at the right time. It’s time to think only about what we want to do and not about what we HAVE to do. My family, like many others, has traditions; something that they can look forward to every year that is just for us. My Mom and Dad tried to with us but as kids we moved so often for my Dad’s work that nothing was ever the same, the only thing I knew was that traditionally we all would decorate the tree together, and each of us girls got to put on our ornament from our first Christmas. So when I had kids I made it a priority to create things that my kids could look back on and say, “at Christmas we…” and cherish our family time that we had together, and possibily pass them down to their our children some day. We started off with some little things like making sure they all had first Christmas ornaments and then we moved into things like once a week in December we would sit down to a bowl of popcorn and a Christmas movie and watch it together, no matter how busy the week is we always make the time. Or when we moved here 4 years ago we heard of this street near our house that does a huge Christmas lights show, so now we get in our jammies and blankets and go and check out the lights. They do amazing job and the whole street participates they do it for charity and have a donation boxes to collect non-perishables and unwrapped toys, it’s truly amazing, and wonderful to see people sharing the Christmas spirit. We love it because everyone drives slowly down the street, no one is in a hurry and we sip our hot chocolates and ooh and aw at all the beautiful lights. But one of my favourite traditions has to be our Christmas Eve Box; I introduced this tradition when my older two were 5 and 3, I went and bought one of those fancy gift boxes from Homesense, and filled it with fun things for my girls and I to do on Christmas Eve. Back then my husband traveled a lot for work and he was usually home late Christmas Eve or in the early hours Christmas morning so it was a way to keep us occupied while we waited for him to come home. We’ve done it now every year and my kids absolutely love it! I think it is all of our favourite tradition as we get an entire day to stay in our jammies and hang out together. I swear you can see them get more and more excited about Santa and his arrival as the day goes on.
Keep reading below to find out more about the Christmas Eve box!
The Christmas box:
So the Christmas Eve box is supposed to be filled with all the things you’ll need to get ready for Santa’s arrival. Inside I always put a new pair of Christmas pj’s for each girl, a Christmas story to read before bed, a movie to watch as a family and popcorn because who watches a movie without it! Cookie cutters or Betty Crocker cookie mix to make cookies for Santa and this year I also added a new board game to all play together.
It definitely fills our house with laughter and love and is by far my favourite day of the entire year. I think I will continue to do this with them until they wont let me anymore because it helps us in this crazy busy life to come together and be a family. What is your favourite thing to do with your kids at Christmas time?
being a mom is learning about strengths you didnt know you had…and dealing with fears you didnt know existed. -linda wooten
I’ve been thinking about blogging for a long time now and I really wasnt sure where to begin, its a crazy out there and I honestly didnt know where to start. I took my time and really looked into myself and what I was all about, I mean when you become a Mom thats it your no longer anyone but what they need at that exact moment right? A tissue, a boo boo fixer, an uber driver or someone to cuddle. Your sense of self seriously disapears and its really hard to find you again. I have been a Mom now for 10 years, seems crazy but its true my oldest daughter is turning 11 in June and she was the greatest gift I was ever given, until my second daughter (who is 7) and my third (who is 2) were born that is. After thinking about it for a long time I realized I didnt loose myself, I’m not barried under all this Mom stuff, I’ve just changed I am no longer just me I’m everything, I’m a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter and seriously being a Mom is almost like being bitten by a radio active spider, I have so many more talents then I did in the past, I can multi task like no ones business and I have learned to adapt to all sorts of situations. I think that by blogging my day to day life and all the wonderful craziness, I will be able to document this amazing life that I am so blessed to be apart of, it will also help me and others I hope, to sit back and look at their lives from another perspective. I really hope that you guys love this blog and that it helps you as much as it helps me. I will be posting a lot of different things like home improvements, my girls of course, life as a stay at home Mom and much much more! Stick around it might be kinda fun!