sleep deprived mama

Ok, we all know as Moms how hard it is to function on no sleep, and how the world can slowly start to steamroll out of control when we can’t put together a rational thought. Well, that has been my life for the last few weeks.

My two year old has decided that she doesn’t want to sleep alone anymore, she was sick and my husband let her sleep in our room and then we couldn’t get her out. I am all for those Mom’s that choose to co-sleep but I physically can’t do it, I mean I don’t even let my husband share blankets with me. I need to be fully “cocooned” as my husband calls it in order to fall asleep. So for two weeks, it was laying awake until she fell asleep and then carry her to her room, then falling asleep and be woken another 5-6 time throughout the night. We’ve all been there, sleep training is the absolute worst but it is necessary, necessary for not only your sanity but for your children to get a good nights sleep. So I started the battle, letting her cry it out, then going into her room and sitting in the chair until she fell asleep, then when all else failed and I was dead to the world I tried having her big sister sleep in her room with her. I know it doesn’t seem like the best idea but when you haven’t slept and you think you are going to go insane you will try anything right? So it worked for a little while, but then it started again, she was calling for me and my husband multiple times a night and now we had to get around our daughter’s mattress to get to her. So late one night I grabbed the Ipad and I put on a movie for her… BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!!! Now she asked for it every night and it was a huge meltdown when the answer was no, so it became a thing bedtime came I would put her in her bed and tuck her in and turn on the iPad, I thought it would help and at that point we were all sleeping so why not right? Then all of a sudden it started happening, she would start screaming in the middle of the night, I jumped out of bed ran down the hall and she said: “the iPad turned off” … REALLY??. Now not only is she awake all hours of the night watching tv but I am being woken up because the iPad says “are you still there?” Something had to give! After about the 5th night I’d had enough, I sat down and started to think back to when the other girls were young, we never had this issue they always slept, we did the sleep train thing and after night upon night of my arm in the crib and crawling out of the room they were good. They both slept well in their rooms, what had I done differently? Why was this time so hard? Now mind you my oldest daughter is almost 11 and the middle will be 8 in two months so there was a significant age gap between them and Issy and I honestly forgot, I forgot all about the routine that I had in place when the others were small, how I would give them a bath using Live Clean Bedtime Bath and cream them all down using the same cream, and how we would cuddle together while reading a book and then put on their sound machines and watch them fall off to sleep. THAT’S IT!! when my husband walked in the door even though I looked a hot mess and I was exhausted, I told him that when all the little friends had been picked up I was taking cranky pants Issy to WalMart, and we were fixing this problem. Off we went she cried the entire way there, screamed about putting on her coat and her boots, tore off her hat and mittens in the car and yelled things like I want my Daddy, I don’t want you! But I kept a smile on my face, I knew she was just as exhausted as I was and that this was gonna fix it. Once we got to Walmart and because I hadn’t given in to the screaming she was calm, I let her walk like a big girl and we headed straight for the baby department where we took all the sound machines off the shelf and looked at all the things they did, we saw a hippo that had lights and sounds but it went to bed with her and I really didn’t want to give her something to play with, we found one that was just a light and another that did both and then we found this one by fisher price it is called the deluxe soother, it offered a night light, music and sounds, animal and stars projected on the ceiling and best of all it had an app to connect me to it at night FROM MY BED!! sold. We also stopped and got more bedtime bath and cream and two new books, and we headed home. I put her in the bath and she played happily with all the bubbles and my husband sat with her while I took all distractions out of her bed and set up the deluxe soother, I then got her out of the bath and dried her up, creamed her up with the bedtime bath cream, crawled into her big girl bed with her to read our new books, and laid with her as I showed her the stars on the roof and the wonderfully soothing music and then I sat in the chair in her room for 20 mins while she fell asleep and then guess what? I WENT TO BED, AND I SLEPT ALL NIGHT!! I know it isn’t a miracle that there will still be hard night ahead but for right now I am going to hang on to this #momwin and be happy that my baby and I both had a good night sleep and woke up refreshed and ready for the day. I will continue this routine each night because not only did she sleep, but that little time that we got to lay together and talk and read was so absolutely wonderful that I want to do it every day. We’ve all been there, right? So tell me about your sleep training, what worked what didn’t? Do you use a sound machine? Id love to hear from you!

Happy Hump Day


fisher price deluxe soother (or as I like to call it my dreams come true)
the dream team live clean calming bath/wash, live clean calming lotion, new books ‘the very cranky bear’ by Nick Bland and ‘You mean the world to me’ by Bayne Gibby and of course our favoutie book ‘Night, night baby’ by Parragon Books, and our new member of the sleep team the deluxe soother by fisher price


-Rachel Hollis author of “girl wash your face” 

Ok so it’s almost midnight and my mind is racing I mean some days, well most days I feel like I’m running in a wheel trying to get where I need to go, but I just keep coming back around to the same spot!

My older two girls are of the age now that I ask them to help out more around the house, not just their regular responsibilities of emptying their lunch bags and keeping their rooms clean, but household chores (age appropriate of course) because at this time I think small jobs around the house are important for them to see everyone in our family contributing. I  even had laminated chores charts made for each of them in their favourite colours, it was a big hit, for about a week, they did their chores without complaint and without being asked and life was great. I felt like I was above water and the house was coming together before the end of each day, I run a home daycare so having the house completely back in order before day’s end is a big achievement. I have 5 children here under 3 all day and ballet most nights of the week between my three girls so having the extra help each day was amazing. Since the chore chart failed miserably I decided to change tactics and instead of giving them a weekly list I would give the girls a chore to do each day,  each time I give them a chore to do, and it is completed they earn an allowance and a tally is kept. Well before I went to bed tonight I found that over the last few days several of the chores that I was told were being done weren’t…. I trusted that they were done I made a mental note that these things were done and now they weren’t and were going to have to be added back to that internal list that I have in my head, you know the one, the one that keeps you awake most nights and the one you think about before your feet even touch the ground in the morning,  the one that never seems to get any shorter … So I thought hey my kids are older now they can understand things, maybe I’ll just talk to them and  explain to my girls how I feel when things aren’t done so I said, ‘for me I have a list in my head of all the things I need to do and the best way to accomplish them, I run through my list all day long checking off things as I go (because I’m type A and we like check marks) and when I delegate a job to you I check said job off on my list and move on to the next task.” You know what they did, they just stood there, and stared at me, like I was speaking a different language… Ok so maybe they aren’t old enough to understand, I need to move on and figure out a new way to get things accomplished (add that to the list.)  Some days I wanna give up throw my hands in the air and say that’s it I’ve had it, I don’t want to do it any more and just walk away from the ever-growing list in my head. I mean doesnt every one? All us Mom’s out there have a day were we just want to walk away, we want quiet and cleanliness and a moment to ourselves to think of absolutely nothing.

So I did that I went and had a bath, scrolled instagram and then I got back to business because I’m a Mom, I don’t get that option of just walking away for good and truthfully I really don’t want it. I waited my whole life to be a Mom it is hard work, the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, but this is where I want to be. I do need to take sanity momments more often,  because truth is I am a better Mom and a better human being after having a little time to myself  to recharge. So after my bath I got  back at it and took a big breath and started to think about how I can make a change, while on instagram I had found some inspiration because so many other Moms there are saying the same things I am, and I listen to a little bit of my audio book ‘Girl Wash your Face’ by Rachel Hollis (which if you havent read you need to!) and realized as Mothers we are built to carry heavy loads, we are made to be the heart of the home and the glue that holds it all together, and that I  like everyone else have to stop trying to be “perfect”, remember that my kids are only going to be kids for a little while and that  maybe the best thing for me to do is stop worrying about it so much and maybe listen to Rachel when she says  ” you can’t fail at a job you were created to do.” I need to pick myself up and work harder to achieve what I want,  to some people this can seem so trivial but to me it’s my whole life. I will put the work in every day, and I’ll do it for me, but I will also do it for my girls, so that they can see how strong their Mama can be and hopefully find their own strength, and one day be amazing woman.  For now the chores will still be given, and I most likley will have to pick up the slack when they arent done, and thats ok because I’m a Mom and thats what we do! 

happy hump day