Ok so it’s almost midnight and my mind is racing I mean some days, well most days I feel like I’m running in a wheel trying to get where I need to go, but I just keep coming back around to the same spot!
My older two girls are of the age now that I ask them to help out more around the house, not just their regular responsibilities of emptying their lunch bags and keeping their rooms clean, but household chores (age appropriate of course) because at this time I think small jobs around the house are important for them to see everyone in our family contributing. I even had laminated chores charts made for each of them in their favourite colours, it was a big hit, for about a week, they did their chores without complaint and without being asked and life was great. I felt like I was above water and the house was coming together before the end of each day, I run a home daycare so having the house completely back in order before day’s end is a big achievement. I have 5 children here under 3 all day and ballet most nights of the week between my three girls so having the extra help each day was amazing. Since the chore chart failed miserably I decided to change tactics and instead of giving them a weekly list I would give the girls a chore to do each day, each time I give them a chore to do, and it is completed they earn an allowance and a tally is kept. Well before I went to bed tonight I found that over the last few days several of the chores that I was told were being done weren’t…. I trusted that they were done I made a mental note that these things were done and now they weren’t and were going to have to be added back to that internal list that I have in my head, you know the one, the one that keeps you awake most nights and the one you think about before your feet even touch the ground in the morning, the one that never seems to get any shorter … So I thought hey my kids are older now they can understand things, maybe I’ll just talk to them and explain to my girls how I feel when things aren’t done so I said, ‘for me I have a list in my head of all the things I need to do and the best way to accomplish them, I run through my list all day long checking off things as I go (because I’m type A and we like check marks) and when I delegate a job to you I check said job off on my list and move on to the next task.” You know what they did, they just stood there, and stared at me, like I was speaking a different language… Ok so maybe they aren’t old enough to understand, I need to move on and figure out a new way to get things accomplished (add that to the list.) Some days I wanna give up throw my hands in the air and say that’s it I’ve had it, I don’t want to do it any more and just walk away from the ever-growing list in my head. I mean doesnt every one? All us Mom’s out there have a day were we just want to walk away, we want quiet and cleanliness and a moment to ourselves to think of absolutely nothing.
So I did that I went and had a bath, scrolled instagram and then I got back to business because I’m a Mom, I don’t get that option of just walking away for good and truthfully I really don’t want it. I waited my whole life to be a Mom it is hard work, the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, but this is where I want to be. I do need to take sanity momments more often, because truth is I am a better Mom and a better human being after having a little time to myself to recharge. So after my bath I got back at it and took a big breath and started to think about how I can make a change, while on instagram I had found some inspiration because so many other Moms there are saying the same things I am, and I listen to a little bit of my audio book ‘Girl Wash your Face’ by Rachel Hollis (which if you havent read you need to!) and realized as Mothers we are built to carry heavy loads, we are made to be the heart of the home and the glue that holds it all together, and that I like everyone else have to stop trying to be “perfect”, remember that my kids are only going to be kids for a little while and that maybe the best thing for me to do is stop worrying about it so much and maybe listen to Rachel when she says ” you can’t fail at a job you were created to do.” I need to pick myself up and work harder to achieve what I want, to some people this can seem so trivial but to me it’s my whole life. I will put the work in every day, and I’ll do it for me, but I will also do it for my girls, so that they can see how strong their Mama can be and hopefully find their own strength, and one day be amazing woman. For now the chores will still be given, and I most likley will have to pick up the slack when they arent done, and thats ok because I’m a Mom and thats what we do!
happy hump day